Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
