Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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