chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
