It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
