I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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