wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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