Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
