i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
