you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the condom got lost in my hair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He felt like a one man threesome
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
