just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
