i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
