the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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