you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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