yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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