Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
