Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
