It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
