Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
