We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
