He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
