Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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