I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize