Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
