so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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