If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize