If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
