I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize