Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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