i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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