Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
