You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize