i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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