Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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