I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
