So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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