my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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