Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
