what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
