I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
