The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
