I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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