Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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