At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
