i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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