Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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