Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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(330): View more from Ohio

We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

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(415): View more from California

Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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(330): View more from Ohio

OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.

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(714): View more from California

Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT

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(240): View more from Maryland

He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?

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