I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
