I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
