I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
