my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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