well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
