do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
