wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
