before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You smell like stripper and shame
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
