I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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