I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
