ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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