if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
