Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
