my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
