Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
